The War on Everything

Right now, there’s a war on terror, a war on drugs, a war on poverty, a war on crime, and a war on climate change. There’s pretty much a war on everything. And that doesn’t even count zero tolerance. I mean, there’s zero tolerance for gangs, zero tolerance for weapons, zero tolerance for trans-fats; I’m just waiting for some hot-blooded activist to cry out, “Zero tolerance for intolerance!” It’s a little like saying, “Kill all extremists.” Maybe you should start with yourself.

But have you ever taken a moment to wonder why? I mean, why a war on everything? It’s rhetoric, the age-old art of persuasion – a way of communicating that’s trying very hard to get you to do something or see something in a new and different way. War is threatening; in a war, someone’s gonna hurt or kill or oppress you if you don’t take immediate action. Decisive action. Before it’s too late. It requires you to put everything else aside, because fighting a war halfway is a little like having surgery halfway, or spanking a child halfway. Some things were just made to be all or nothing, and war is definitely one of them. So is opera.

It’s also an attempt to get you to view a problem in a more extreme way, and redefine unreasonable behavior as acceptable. I mean, think about it: when people are at war, they do things they wouldn’t ordinarily do, like shoot a guy running across a field, just based on what he’s wearing. You can’t survive in a sweater-vest. It’s natural selection.

Declaring war on something is just a step closer to the twisted idea that the end justifies the means. Throughout history, wars have been fought in the name of freedom, national security, or religion, but the real reason always comes back to money and power. Few of them have ever been fought for the right reasons, and whether they’re on drugs, climate change, or poverty, I’m not sure the wars of today are really any different.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m definitely against things like gangs, terrorists, and trans-fats, and I do believe they need to be dealt with – perhaps harshly. Naughty little trans-fat. The question is, is war the only option? No. Is war always the wrong option? No. It’s the last extreme; the last step and last solution to a problem that can’t be solved any other way. So look at the problem and ask yourself, are you really ready to go to war?

[Chuckles] We are at war, you and me, right now.

Transcribed by: Justin G.

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