21st Century Toilet

If you’ve watched this show for long enough you must know how I feel about germs… they’re dirty. What I want to know is why does mom always insist that I lift the seat. I ment did. I don’t live with her any more.

I mean do you know what’s on there, lurking, waiting for the right host to come along and… [chocking noise]

It’s like tiny potty aliens trying to get on you… and take over your body.

I mean I’m the kind of guy who has a hard time touching my own toilet let alone other toilets. And public restrooms… yeah, right. I think I’ll hold it.

Toilet history 101 the flush toilet came into existence in 1596. The name of the man who invented it… John. [John Harrington. It's True] [Laughing] The truth is always better.

The first valve toilet showed up around 1738 brought to us by J. F. Brondel. J? And for the most part the toilet has pretty much remained the same ever since.

Now don’t get me wrong I’m glad we brought the outhouse indoors but come on, 270 years with no major overhauls? I mean what are we doing? Just sitting around?

Seriously, there have to be some toilet innovations out there and it’s got to be better than a Japanese robot that squirts water at me and plays music when I flush. [Speaks fake Japanese] potty time! [Makes squirting noise] That’s the water jets and the Japanese. I couldn’t do any better then that.

[Typing] Potty innovations… Oh! Oh! I got something!

For all you germ-a-phobes that can’t stand to touch the seat you can use the pedal instead. At magicjohn.com there’s a hand retro-fitable foot pedal that will lift the lid on your existing potty. It works just like those little trash can foot pedal things. You know the one I mean.

Oh! Here’s a good one. There’s a little sink that fits on the top of the toilet tank so that the water you use to flush your hands when you’re done gets used again to flush your duty down.

I love these people – potty inventors – It’s this kind of genius that keeps the world going around. And around and around and all the way down.

By the way, I have it on good authority that Thomas Crapper, while he was not the inventor of the toilet was a plumber from the 1800s who held several patents on a number of plumbing related products.

Where’s my readers digest?

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