Foil Hats

The aliens have landed! They are here! Where is my can opener?
What do you mean the Weekly World News isn’t reliable? It is “the worlds only reliable newspaper” So they say… and they said it and they are the only one you can trust so you see, it has to be true. That or it has to all be a lie. Don’t judge to quickly.

They translated the alien bible and figured out that ETs worship Oprah. It’s not too surprising a lot of women in america already do. And taht Thomas Jefferson had an alien love child. But you haven’t heard that. They are the authority on everything alien!

If the aliens are here – oh and they’re here – you have two choices: You can let them probe you mind or you can put on some of this.

[Holds up aluminum foil.]

You better believe they’re here. Oh. That’s them at the door. I’ll bee right back.

That’s right wearing an Aluminum foil hat is supposed protect you from alien mind reading signals based on the idea of a faraday cage.

A faraday cage is made out of electrically conductive metal wire. Electricity flows around the outside so whatever is on the inside cant be damaged by it. And they’re used in all sorts of common places like wiring and microwaves and power plants.

Protect your family. Wear aluminum.

Faraday cages also reduce or eliminate electromagnetic radiation inside the cage. So the principle is – if you climb into a Faraday cage or put your head in one, you should be much less affected by any kind of radio or wireless signal.

So that’s why my cell phone kills in the elevator. Yes!

But this thing is not a cage, it looks more like an its more like a funnel or an antenna.

[Makes antenna sounds] Receiving you. Welcome to earth.

And it acts like one too. It actually amplifies signals by 20-30db at 1.2 – 2.6ghz frequencies. The shape even partially focuses the signal towards your brain. At least that’s what the study on these hats at MIT showed.

But I think it was done by aliens. It is a well known fact that MIT is staffed entirely by aliens.

[On phone] – oh yeah this phone is a 2.4 ghz. I can totally hear you. Yeah, I can totally still hear you. [Holds phone at arms length] Yeah I can still hear you. These things are amazing.

Okay, maybe the same people that write the Weekly World News got the alien fearing public to start wearing these things. But could there be another reason? Roll up you sleeves conspiracy theorists!

The frequency bands these hats boost is controlled by government and big business! Some people believe that the US government cooked the whole thing up to experiment on its own people! It’s an outrage. They both sound crazy, I am just not sure which story is crazier.

Take me to the mother ship! I’m ready! I’m willing! Unless of course you’re going to experiment on me.

I think the alien probe left some residual memories behind. Green alien woman in a tinfoil bikini. Must be Thomas Jeffersons.

Our conclusion? These things don’t work at all. Unless of course you want your mind probed or just light baked on a the 1.3 – 1.5 gigahertz channel. If you do put one on.

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