Funburns

Spring is here! And that means summer is coming. And that means you are probably already working on your tan. The problem is you fell asleep and left the broiler on. Now I’m not going to tell you that you shouldn’t have done it or that you should have worn sunscreen – there’s already a song about that.

Instead, I’m going to try to help you try and escape the pain that you’ve already caused yourself… and hopefully heal your outer layers.

Slap yourself on the back – really hard. No… don’t do that, it just hurts. It doesn’t do any good.

It’s the ultraviolet rays from the sun that burn you. All that redness in your skin is inflammation caused by blood rushing to try and fix the awful damage your fun in the sun has caused. But the swelling itself can be damaging to the skin as well, so take some aspirin, or ibuprofin… you know, whatever you’ve got. Something that’s an anti-inflammatory, and do it as soon as possible – preferably during the first 24 hours.

You can even do it before the redness shows up if you have that… basted, slow-roasted feeling. I think I’m medium rare. Am I still pink on the inside?

Take a cold shower… yeah, do that…

Take a cold shower or use a cold compress – not because it feels really good to have something cold on your skin, but because the cold helps decrease the inflammation. Just like putting an ice pack on a twisted ankle, the goal here is to keep the swelling down, and when you’re burned, your skin has lots of little swelling ALL over it.

Finally, there’s aloe vera. I’ve seen claims that it promotes the healing of burns. I’ve also read that all it does is soothe the pain. Either way, I really don’t like the way it makes me feel all sticky. If my burn’s bad enough, maybe I’ll rub some of that slime on it, but, …yeah, maybe it’s like a placebo – maybe I’ve got to just believe that it’ll work.

I feel the power of green. It’s time for ‘super-fast sunburn nerd facts’!

- Can you really get burned on a cold or snowy day? Yes, because it’s the UV, not the temperature, doing the burning.

- What about cloudy days? Yes, but the thicker the clouds, the less UV filters down, so it’s less likely that you’ll get burned. A rainy day on Seattle’s not going to get you sunburned, or suntanned, for that matter.

- Can my dark-skinned brothers and sisters get sunburned? Yes they can. But the darker your skin is naturally, the less likely you are to get burned.

- Does tanned skin help protect against sunburn? Like SPF-4, yes, but not really very well.

- Does normal glass, like the windows of your car, protect you? Well, yes, but not 100% so you can still get burned.

- Does exposure to UV radiation have any positive effects? Yes, moderate amounts of sunshine, like a half hour every couple of days, causes your skin to produce Vitamin D, and vitamin D is good for you.

Remember, sunburns don’t cause cancer – UV exposure does. And sunscreen doesn’t prevent cancer, limiting your exposure to UV radiation does.

You should also know it requires 3 to 6 months to fully heal from a really bad sunburn, and you should be extra careful with that new, sensitive, skin. Burns on new skin can be even more damaging in the long term. That’s why you should always protect infants and small children from sunburns – even if the goo makes them smell funny.

Go away, coconut boy – back to the beach!

Peak tanning hours are from 10am to 3pm. Those also happen to be peak burning hours. [Szzzzz]

It’s like a Bar-B-Que – of people. So if you’re out in the sun, try and limit your exposure, and put on some SPF-30 or better, and keep putting it on if you sweat or you swim, or you… just sit there long enough.

But if you really want that deep, dark tan and the leathery, wrinkled skin and the risk of cancer that go with them, rub on some tanning lotion or, hey!, cooking oil, and just go soak up those rays.

Something smells like popcorn… and bacon

After my last really bad burn, once the redness had all gone away, I was exercising and all of a sudden I started getting these huge, rapidly swelling blisters all over and, I was like, Ahhh! I’m a mutant! What’s going on?!

Yeah, it turns out it was just sweat collecting under the giant, thick layer of dead skin from my sunburn. Yeah, you don’t need to tell me it was gross – I was the one who had to peel it all off.

Transcribed by: Ian

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