Cheating Death

Years ago I came into this world screaming, bald and toothless. It’s probably the way I’ll check out of it too, just hopefully not in diapers. I should start by saying technically today isn’t my birthday – it’s the anniversary of my birthday.

Most people’s perception of birthdays change over time. When we’re young birthdays are exciting because you get to open presents and eat kaka. Then you grow up and start paying your own bills and buying your own presents and it kind of strips away a little of that magic. Eventually birthdays became a kind of grim reminder of how old you are and how you haven’t accomplished all the things you wanted to at this point in your life.

But birthdays shouldn’t be depressing no matter how old you are – and you are old, I mean you’re kind of getting up there. 25? You’re like a quarter of the way done. It should be a celebration like saying “Ha! Cheated death again! 365 more glorious days of me.

Look to the future with gusto, just think of all the things you can change and do and be. I mean you could run with the bulls in Spain. You could build a spaceship – in your garage. You could invent something – something cool or useful, hopefully both. You could write a book, or just learn to write. You could work really hard to get $25million and fly into space with the Russians. You could solve world hunger and make a sandwich for everyone on the planet. Or you could sit and do nothing. I mean nothing. Well metabolise and breathe probably. Yeah, I know you’ll never get around to it, but that shouldn’t stop you from think that you’re going to go:

- Climb mount Everest.
- Sail around the world.
- Eat grubs with the aborigines. They’re chewier than I expected.
- Paint a masterpiece, cut of a body part and mail it to someone. Or maybe just paint a masterpiece.
- Try and break the land speed record…for yourself…record or bust.
- Go discover a new species.
- Genetically create a new species.
- Write a song.
- Or invent a game – like foil ball. Side out.

My speech teacher in college kept a giant list of things he’d done, and things he still wanted to do. It’s great, especially when you move something from the “to do” list over to the “done” list. It’s your life. Go out and live it before your birth certificate reaches its expiration date. What? I’m past my sell-by date? Where’s that best used before date?

Star in my own hilariously intellectual internet podcast? Check.

Transcribed by: David A.

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