Day 7 – Wreaths And Fake Mistletoe

So you have some scraps of branches from your needle boiling the other day. Or maybe you made a Franken-tree. Well, there’s one more thing you can do with these Pine Boughs. You can make them into beautiful, decorative, wreaths.

Martha Stewart would be proud… of the effort. Because these are going to look nothing like hers.

I used to think that there was some secret branch-weaving technique that would make a perfect wreath. But it turns out that most wreaths just have a metal wire on the inside. Well, at least the ones that are good enough to hang up generally have a metal wire on the inside.

It’s really pretty easy. All you have to do is wrap your boughs around the metal wire, and make heavy use of zip-ties! It would be better is these were green, or black. So grab a few bushy branches, and lash them to the coat hanger. Then slap on a bow, and you’ve got a wreath! Well, I mean, it’s gotta be round to be a wreath. Hold on.

There you go! It’s kinda round-ish.

Yeah, it may not look as picturesque or perfect as the one you almost bought at the store, but yours is unique, and it smells better, and how much did it cost again? That’s right, nothing.

And speaking of getting something for nothing, have you put up your mistletoe yet? Hehehe…

You don’t have to buy your mistletoe; you can get your kisses for free! And it won’t take all afternoon hunting down some dilapidated oak infested with mistletoe. No, you can make it out of pretty much anything. Infested? Oh yeah! Did you know mistletoe is a parasite? Funny how that became associated with smooching.

Here’s a little hint when looking for your mistletoe: Most of it doesn’t have those characteristic white berries on it. And by the way, they’re poisonous. Like most other white berries.

Tangent!

The berry rule says that only 10% of white berries are edible, it’s about a 50/50 split for red berries, and 90% of dark berries are edible. So go for the dark ones when you’re caught in the wild…at Christmastime. Or anytime.

And, we’re back.

All you really need to do is find something that looks like mistletoe. Honestly, do you know what it looks like? And will it even matter when someone’s laying a wet juicy one on you? Your eyes are supposed to be closed, anyway! It’s like a kissing rule. Only weird people kiss with their eyes open.

Because most people can’t tell what it is, just put a big, fat red ribbon on it, and stick it up on the ceiling somewhere. A casual observer won’t even realize that it’s actually a creeping succulent. Or a piece of ivy from your yard. Or even a piece off a eucalyptus tree. You see, they’re all green, and that makes them hard to tell apart from the real mistletoe.

Gotcha! This isn’t real mistletoe, either. It’s part of our neighbor’s hedge. He’ll never know the difference and neither will you! Ah, sweet, sweet deception. It’s probably something your relationship’s already based on. But I’m sure that as long as it’s green, and looks convincing, It’ll get results.

Now, you could stand under the look-alike mistletoe all day, and see if anyone participates, but if that doesn’t work, try the aggressive approach. Put it on the end of a stick and chase everyone down. Let the holiday snogging begin!

Transcribed by: Erin S.

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