Batteries

So there you are, a budding amateur photographer presented with the perfect picture opportunity: your cat stuck in the dishwasher. Meow! You quickly grab your mega-super-shoot-so-easy-to-use-that-even-you-can-use-it-camera and flip on the power. The screen lights up and tells you “You need to change the battery”.

That’s annoying! You just need to take one picture. There got to be some more juice in that battery, I mean the LCD lid up telling you that it’s out of power, right? We need to preserve the moment so shut the dishwasher door, put it on hold or maybe on rinse cycle and then go get some batteries. Snowball needed a bath anyway!

Silly consumer! Just because you bought a device that uses batteries doesn’t mean you bought a device that will use all of your battery. You see, the battery isn’t completely out of power, but your camera knows that it’s only a matter of time.

Today’s ultra modern super smart high-tech devices can sense when the voltage in your batteries gets too low, and they won’t let you power up the device.

You see kids, baby batteries come into this world with a slightly higher voltage than listed. At least the non-rip-off variety do. As the charge in the batteries depletes, the voltage actually drops. So how much energy is actually left inside the battery when it’s “used up”?

Well, that’s depends on the battery, but it also depends on the device their being used in.

High-end electronics don’t like low voltage, but simple devices like kid’s toys and flashlights don’t care. Instead of just throwing your batteries away you can just move them down the line to something that will bleed them dry, something that will require less voltage to work.

Besides, your kids will love when their toys will start speaking in slow motion: (singing in slow motion) “Row row row your boat, gently down the stream”.

Here’s another handy tip: Cold batteries don’t work as well because… they’re particular about cold. They are just finicky little things, like my cat. My cat!

If you have some batteries that used to work but they don’t now and they are cold, try warming them up before you give up on them. No! Not in the microwave! You’ve been watching too much youtube. It’s not a great idea to warm up your batteries or your cat in the microwave. Well you can, but it’s just really messy. And the will definitely stop working after that. Not that your cat ever did work but… you know.

Put you batteries out in the sun for a bit, or just stick them under you armpit. Sure they will stink a little, but your camera doesn’t mind.

What’s that? Oh, you heard that if you keep batteries cold it helps them last longer. Well, yes and no. Sticking you batteries in the fridge could give them a few more minutes in the long run, but there are plenty of disadvantages too. Not only you have to wait for them to get up to operating temperature, cause you can’t put them in the microwave, but if you just throw them into the device you have to watch out for condensation.

Just like your favorite iced beverage as they warm up, condensation collects on the outside and then dribbles down. Generally high-tech devices don’t like dribbles. I mean think about it, this is where we putting power into the device and you are putting water right at that point! Bad idea!

The packaging tells you to keep them in a cool dry space cause too much heat and humidity will cause them to leak fluid. The same thing is true of your cat.

A nice cool drawer cupboard is the best place to store them. Batteries! Not your cat! Actually a cat drawer might not be a bad idea…

We’ve linked of to a cool chart of battery specifications for standard Duracell batteries that you can use to actually plan out, at least roughly plan out, how long a particular battery should last in a given device. Or you can do what I do: lower you expectations to improve your results. Hey, it works for my cat.

Ps: I don’t really own a cat.

Nerd fact! Originally batteries didn’t mean one of these. This is actually technically a power cell. A battery is a cluster or group of similar things, like a gun battery or a battery of tests, but if you wire a bunch of these little cells together then you get a battery of power cells. But who wants to say power cell battery ten times fast, so we shortened it to battery, but really it’s just a cell. [pointing at a power cell] Not a battery, technically!

[A cat meows in the background]

Sounds like the rinse cycle is finished!

[picks up the camera and power flips on the power]

The screen lights up and tells you… “You’re handsome”!

Transcribed by: ®obert

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