While President Obama was busy giving his state of the union speech, we were busy guessing what he was going to say.
Welcome to the What You Ought To Know state of the union address. [Continuous applause] Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. You can stop now. No really, shut it people. They wont even let me start the speech. [Applause ends]
The state of the union address is happening, right now. But here you are watching this show. Ahh, you know what he is going to say anyway. Let’s start with the economy. We are hosed. Obama may not say it that way but if you add up everything else he does say it’ll we that plus a little – We can make it through if we work together as Americans – tacked on the end. Oh and uh, PS we blew through three quarters of a trillion dollars to try and get things fixed and it didn’t work. [Applause] Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Now I’m not blaiming Obama. It’s not his fault, just his idea. I mean the congress made it happen. They just didn’t watch the bailout show. Now is not a good time to say, “let’s throw some more money on the fire” so he won’t be talking about stimulus. You won’t be hearing that word for a long time.
Next, healthcare. In case you missed it here is the story so far. The plan was to make everything fair and better for you the average American by doing a bunch of backroom deals with big businesses and then take money from medicare and put more people on medicare and start paying into the system years before benifits acctually kick in… It’s really complicated. And very technical. [Light clapping] I mean you can’t even begin to understand it without reading a thousand page document, which none of the people voting on it have apparently. Even the party that’s pushing it can’t agree on what it should and shouldn’t cover. I mean, no wonder it’s going know where.
So what else is he going to talk about? Campaign promises? I figure he’ll have to dodge those just like he’d dodge a bullet. What don’t say bullet? We got in trouble saying that before. He’ll especially have to avoid the promises he hasn’t kept and focus on the war in Iraq. No wait. Don’t ask don’t tell. No. Umm. What was that one he kept? Oh, change! The national debt has gone up. Mission accomplished. You know or maybe he could focus on how Michelle is going to take on child obesity. That might be a good dodge. Maybe he should talk about that. All your fat babies will become thin babies by executive mandate.
And then there is bipartisanship, fail or epic fail Which do you think? Unfortunately for him there aren’t too many issues where both extremes agree on the problem and the solution. So maybe the Republicans won’t play nice and stop trying to kill your healthcare reform, or you’ll never get the John McCain party crossover bipartisan achievement badge like you always wanted. But who cares you’re a Nobel laureate for doing that thing that you haven’t got to yet.
So maybe the Democrates will keep in-fighting and never move their agenda forward in any meaningful way. But there is one thing you can do. One thing that can separate you from all past presidents. And it’s not being black that’s a gimme. Sorry, African American. No, I’m sorry I mean Kenyan, British, Indonesian American. Person of color? I’m sorry, I’m not sure what to say. But like Harry Reed if you examin my past history I am not a racist. So we’re good right? No really, are we good?
What were we talking about again. Yeah, that thing. That one thing that you can do to keep from being just another party politician. Listen if you really want change, if you really want things to turn around you can do it. And here’s how. Make good on your government transparency campaign promise. The people want it. The only people who don’t are the philandering politicians. ‘Cause if they have to go on record they can’t do all the shady backroom deals to benift themselves and their lobbies without torpedoing their carriers. But you say, “How? I’m just one man what can I do?” One man who happens to be the president of the United States. All you have to do is say “I will veto all bills that come across my desk where the talks were not openly, publicly disclosed to the American people. And then stick to it.
No matter how good that bill is, you can’t sign it if it came from behind closed doors. Stick to your guns, they will have to follow. And you’ll make transparency the hallmark of your presidency. Just put the scews to the professional politicians and get a bipartisian majority of the electorate on your side. That spells four more years.
Do it and you’ll make American political history for the second time. Wait. First black president, spend nearly a trillion… third time. You will make American political history for the third time. It will work. I swear on the Koran. It’ll work.
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30 Comments
Drecon [22]
Not living in the USA I will just say this. Transparency is not only good but neccessary in any honest ...Meandering {207}
Goodness, I take a few months off and then you guys go and change everything. Loved the show. ...steph {207}
great state of the union address brett. I'd vote for you as president! you couldn't possibly do any worse than ...Nospinplease
Nice state of the union. you summed up things better than the president did, with less clapping. equals D!FanOfAr
A lot of interesting comments... Hmm... First, I want to say that even though the majority of this episode dealt ...Ingrid [22]
Well, there isn't much I want to say.... I thought the show had some points, but I'm way off American ...TamerX5
I don't know .. but do you meant any sarcasm on Quran when you said "I Swear on the Quran" ...Lodinkinni [22]
The difference between bush and obama: The bush comments came after he had multiple years to prove his ineptitude. As my ...socalcutie82 [22]
Yeah, I didn't even bother to waste my time watching the real State of The Union address...I have already determined ...LPD-22
@mangboning What you are saying is right on. Stand strong, stand for the truth. :)The Brothers Winn
@ Lodinkinnin - All the news channels dissects the president's speech. We thought prognostication would be more interesting. Also saying ...mangboning
@Evilkritter Actually, you may just be stupid. :p As Brothers Winn pointed out, he used different terms, but the topics were the ...Lodinkinni [22]
Aha! so that was it. Well, lets keep this short, then: I think the cynicism is pretty strong for the first(?) episode ...Lodinkinni [22]
Testing...for some reason this wouldn't let me post my comment. Maybe I was too long winded?Evilkritter
I think he answered all of your statements.Evilkritter
Now, I could be stupid, but I believe that Obama's speech, surprisingly, was drastically different then what you predicted. I ...The Brothers Winn
@wolfman2525 In our show called "Hail to the Chief" we did a similar play on words saying something about taking a ...Guin
Hey Guys glad to see you're back !! Just one thing, im watching the State of Union right now, and ...Curtis [22]
I'm not sure which I wanted more, Pres Obama's SOTU address to be as short as your show, or your ...wolfman2525 [22]
Ok I got to ask. How did you get in trouble for saying bulletSamuel
those are called boom mikes.GameDroid98
Yeah, why didn't you use your clip-on mic. Did you use on of those fancy ones that Hollywood uses,(The weird ...Samuel
I MENNT OLD!!!!! i am the worlds worst spelerrSamuel
You got a new, new mike. why? i was starting to like the ld new one.Samuel
i had 1 to many y's at the begining =DSamuel
yYEAH YOUR BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!! i like the new site so far, and the whole not totally stopping the site so ...Pheonix_blu{207}
FOURTH!!!...Wow, am I lame or what_ Great show as always! I particularly enjoyed the "nationality confusion" joke in the ...FanOfAr
Woohoo, third! Oh, that's not exactly something to brag about...right... Anyway, great episode! I hope we can all change ...ali-gator [22]
wooohooo ... they're backnick
Wow there is so much I can say about this, however it is 1:15 now, here, so I'll wait to ...