We've all heard stories about knocking over bovines. But are any of them true?
Have you noticed how when people talk about cow tipping they always got their information form someone else. You know, like “my friend the ex-cow tipper who used to do it religiously until he stopped drinking”. [laughs] I’m going to go out on a limb here – but it is a pretty sturdy one – and say that cow tipping is a myth. There. I said it. You want proof?
Problem #1. It’s a wild animal.
Crazy cow! Okay, they’re domesticated but that doesn’t mean trained. Sure cows will come for food, but they don’t love you. Trust me. There is no bond between man and beast there.
Growing up my family actually raised cows and we tried pretty much every way we could think of to sneak up on the critters… and uh. No really we did. What you think I’m making this stuff up? We had cows and sneaking up on them does not work. I don’t care how good you think your ninja skills are, the cows they know… somehow they just know. [sneaks up on cow. mowing noise] In order to be oblivious to human presence that cow would have to be strung out on some pretty hardcore drugs. Or they could have the same genetic condition as those fainting goats. But then it’s not cow tipping it’s cow fainting. It’d be funny. But more dangerous because they’re bigger. Which brings me to our next point.
Problem #2. Cows don’t sleep standing up.
I know somebody told you they do, but they just don’t. I don’t know what more I can say. Horses do, but cows don’t. Now scientist say they can dose standing up, but they’re still alert. It’s like a power danger nap. ‘Cause they know that you’re coming. And they can sense evil.
Problem #3 is physics.
Margo Lillie, a zoologist at the University of British Columbia, and her assistant Tracy Boechler studied the physics of cow-tipping, concluding that it is so difficult that it’s almost certainly impossible. It’s amazing what you can get a grant for.
The Lillie-Boechler equation [re-reads] The lillie… yeah I gues that’s what it is. Lillie-Boechler equation. The Lillie-Boechler equation said it would take roughly 2,910 Newtons of force in a coordinated effort which is an estimated 4.4 people to tip a cow. And that’s assuming that you all hit it from the same angle at the same time and you know you’re really coordinated… not the general drunken hicks that try it.
Revised calculations show that maybe two people, if they exerted the necessary force could tip a cow, but uh, the cow would have to not react. I don’t think Clowie’s going down boys.
Their study also says, “The static physics of the issue say two people might be able to tip a cow … But the cow would have to be tipped quickly.” and “Biology also complicates the issue here because the faster the [human] muscles have to contract, the lower the force they can produce. … [and] even if a dynamic physics model suggests cow tipping is possible, the biology ultimately gets in the way: a cow is simply not a rigid, unresponding body.” They move. Did you catch all that?
For me, the myth ended with a swing. We lived out in the country and as kids, being kids, we tried to find all kinds of ways to entertain ourselves. So one day we built a 30 foot high rope swing in a tree and when you got it going it was like a roller coaster. No admission and no safety bars.
So there I was in my late teens around 160 pounds swinging as high as I could, when our Jersy cow June came wondering along, probably looking for food. That’s usually the only time she came around. I was at the highest point of the arc and I started to come back when she stepped out into the path behind me. I yelled at her to get out of the way but yeah we never trained her to roll over or sit or anything so she just kind of stood there. So I came rocketing back down and I tucked up into a little ball – you know to try and minimize pain and whiplash and all that stuff – and I slammed into her. It was like instant deceleration. Clasic car meets tree. Cow meets me? Ouch. She kind of snorted and shift one of her hoofs… slightly. I slumped out of the swing seat and lay there in a quivering mass with the wind knocked out of me for probably three minutes. And I’ve met people smaller than me claiming to have tipped over cows. Right. In retrospect I should have shimmied up the ropes on the swing so that I’d avoid the collision, but then I couldn’t tell you the story. And it’s all true. No really it is.
And the Last point. If it were possible, there would be way more videos of cow tipping on youtube than there are of cats playing the piano. Think about it, it’s way funnier. I tried to find just one legitimate documented case of cow tipping on good ol’ F-tube and do you know how many I found. Yup, zero. So I guess all you farmer’s neighbors frat boys who post online saying that you have gone cow tipping just need to get it on tape. Except you won’t. Because you can’t.
It’s a 1200 pound animal with four very stable legs. And it can run faster than you. You don’t have a chance.
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32 Comments
abchorse
This was one of the first ones I saw. I give the link to all my friends and I'm on ...The Perspicacious Loris
They Mooooove! Ha Ha! I love it!Butterfly
My English teacher showed us this one day. I found your site from her. WYOTK! Now for language arts writing ...projectevaunit01
That was great! Although if you're going to be completely correct, you got to know horses do sleep lying down. ...resurgam
You guys are awesome! I've really enjoyed your videos. I think boys have extra guardian angels to help them reach ...designertoxophilite [22]
I was on holiday with my family the other week and we decided to go cow tipping, so there was ...Frank Payne
I never thought about cow-tipping being a myth but now i believe it is a myth. I tried looking it ...Drecon [22]
I always wondered about Cow tipping. I always thought you'd need a lever or something. Couldn't quite picture it. I ...Pheonix_blu{207}
Hey everyone, just checkin' in, hoping for some updates soon from the Bro'ssoon . I always start to wonder when ...aurelius [22]
great show!Rabble of Redheads [22]
HaHa the 22nd comment...go [22] I still believeRabble of Redheads [22]
We're back too and so are you. Oh hazaaJonah [22]
yaaaayyyy! youre back!!!Jonah [22]
test?Ingrid [22]
Lodinkinni, I must honestly say that I find the links you posted kind of disturbing. Well some are accidents, and ...Lodinkinni [22]
In jersey, we do cow tipping slightly different. Basically, it involves running a cow over slowly with a truck. One of the ...Glenn [22]
Littlest Winn Brother here. Just so you guys know, all the information in this video about how we grew ...Meandering {207}
HA! I never would have thought that cow-tippin' was a myth. I saw Chris Farley attempt it in Tommy Boy, ...Pheonix_blu{207}
Your still here! Having grown up on a farm in Idaho with about 60 head of cattle, I can back you ...Tracy
Reminds me of "snipe hunting". Nothing like running through a weed covered field in the dark holding a garbage ...Tracy
SOOOOOOOOOOOO GLAD YOU'RE BACK! My family has missed you, but especially me!Ingrid [22]
I’m still trying to wrap my brain around this one, so bare with me. So you actually have stories about ...Ingrid [22]
COW tipping? ... for real?..... O_o ..... Well apparantly for unreal. But oke, its official, you American people are wierd ...Curtis [22]
Hilarious! But I must say I'm a bit disappointed. You guys grew up with your own cow and ...chancemuse
Awesome to see you guys are back! Great show, I seriously thought this was possible. You've convinced me though... unless ...rossel [22]
I've been cow tipping. We weren't very successful... I think the ATVs we were riding may have had something to ...hayley
HAHAHAHAHA..... They Moooove! You guys rock!Samuel
i always wondered how you could tip a cow cause their legs would have to stay rigid the whole time ...Christian [22]
nice to see you guys back hope to see some more also see you some time this summer i hopegrimhold
Going cow tipping and tipping a cow are two separate things, like the wild snip hurt, we country boys that ...justinator1
Wow, I've always wondered and now I know. Plus I've been entertained for the day. One of the funniest vids ...ali-gator [22]
youuu guysss are bakkk ... awesomeeee